Pleasing everyone is easy! Said no one. Ever. In life, you will have your cheering squad and your haters. This spectrum is inevitable if you are up to something. Heck, today it’s unavoidable with one single tweet on Twitter! If you have a voice, there will, without a doubt, be people who want to silence that voice, who will go to almost any means to knock you out of the ring. Haters will broadcast your failures and whisper your success, and when they can’t steal your dreams, they will attack your character. So how do you detox from these toxic people?
It’s time for the Hater Detox.
In a world full of tumultuous opinions and outspoken viewpoints, it’s never been more critical or timely than this moment to master the voice from within. You must jealously hold close to your self-worth and inner voice. Social Media compels us to seek others’ approval and affirmation as we obsess over likes, comments, and followers. This false validation often gets collapsed with our self-worth, which is just a lie at the deepest level.
The voices that pull you from your dreams and whisper or even blast it online that you aren’t good enough, those voices need to be silenced so you can focus on changing your world, then you can change the world.
“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”– Lao Tzu
You don’t need to give any attention to those criticizing you as you fail your way to the top. Failure builds character; see more on this in my other article, I Dare You To Fail. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Never put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. The bigger and bolder your dreams and actions, the more people will have to say about it. It comes with the territory. So dive in, but be very clear on making sure you know how to swim to the top, so you don’t let the haters drown you.
Retiring The Need To Please
If you are a people-pleaser, you are pursuing a one-way uphill battle carrying the weight of a sherpa, as you will never please everyone and those who try typically end up pleasing no-one, especially themselves. If you sit on the fence, you get shot from both sides.
Who are the people you are attempting so desperately to please anyway? Why are you putting so much emphasis on their approval? Darren Hardy, author and speaker, has an eye-opening viewpoint on this: How many of these people whose opinion you hold so near and dear to your heart would even shed one single tear at your funeral? Makes you think, doesn’t it?
Releasing Your Inner Affirmation Seeker
Ahhh, the affirmation seekers. If I’m totally transparent with you, releasing my inner affirmation seeker is hard for me. Some people are wired to desire words-of-affirmation. Both hands in the air, guilty as charged. If you’ve ever read, The Five Love Languages, you know how you receive and give love.
Nothing means more than a positive word spoken over me. If I’m not careful, I can get lured quickly into fake recognition ridden environments; like a moth to the flame, I can quickly get burned.
Select an inner circle of people who contribute value, who love you but will tell you what you need to hear. Sometimes this will mean constructively helping you adjust your direction, and other times it’s a nudge pushing you forward as you’re on the right path. This affirmation carries its weight in gold, as it’s rooted in a trusted-admired relationship.
Allow this group to be your squad, reminding you to stick to your true north, and crush it. When you need feedback, these are the carefully hand-selected, vetted inner circle you trust. Let me repeat, your very, very carefully selected and vetted inner circle.
Cheer Yourself On
Be your own biggest cheerleader and fan. I’m talking you are about to do your final floor routine at the Olympics and you are an arms distance from the gold kinda cheer squad.
You will find your need for validation from others begins to diminish when you really start to understand and know your worth.
When you recognize the value you bring, you can applaud yourself for your goals and even the good choices you make no one else even knows about.
I literally tell myself, “Good job, Marlene!” after every Xtend Barre home workout that only me, myself, and the OpenFit app witnessed. You know in your heart the things to be proud of.
Make sure you acknowledge yourself for these, don’t minimize them. You deserve to be reminded of how incredible you are, even if it’s you reminding you.
People have a lot to say about lives they’ve never lived. Never respond to rudeness. When people are rude, they reveal who they are, not who you are. Don’t take it personally; what Sally says about Susie is more indicative of Sally than Susie. The less you respond to rude, argumentative people, the more peace you will have. Never allow someone else’s insecurities to damper your dreams. If they could do what you are doing, they would probably be doing it too. Aristotle said, “There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Spend your energy focused on achieving your goals; the more action you take, the less time you have to care what the critics are saying about it.
Starve your distractions and feed your focus. One of my favorite tales is the fable of two wolves. A young boy tells his father he has a recurring dream of two wolves battling it out in his mind. The boy explains that one wolf spews destructive thoughts, hates him, wants to destroy him, tear him apart, and leave him for dead! The other wolf encourages, loves him, wants him to excel, succeed, and win. The little boy tuns to his father and says, “every night they fight in my mind. Who will win the battle, father?” The father answers, “The one you feed.”
There will be haters, doubters, and non-believers, and then there will be you proving them all wrong. When your goal or why is strong enough, people judging you won’t even hit your radar as you are so committed to where you are headed; you don’t have time to stop and swim in their pools of judgment. The last thing you want to do is silence the super-stud you are because you are afraid of what people will say. Don’t let doubt, and second-guessing yourself every 5 seconds ruin something amazing. Know your worth, trust your gut, and go for it. That’s right, Go. For. It. Be the confident you, you were born to be. Success is your birthright and grateful is a great place to start.
Read Next: “I Dare you to Fail”
ARTICLE SPONSORED BY CROWDPOINT TECHNOLOGIES