Love, Sex & Manifestation – Exclusive with The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger

Patti Stanger has changed thousands of lives by helping others find love. As the CEO of the Millionaire Dating Club, she identifies suitable mates for singles, one love life at a time. Stanger has also produced and starred in the popular Bravo reality series, “The Millionaire Matchmaker” and is the Executive Producer of “Matchmaker Mysteries” on the Hallmark Channel. In addition to her triumphs in the world of finding love and television production, she is taking a dive into the wellness industry. After overcoming Hashimoto’s disease, the autoimmune disorder prompted her to venture into writing a forthcoming book with health and wellness tips.

Stanger is a third-generation matchmaker who was adopted and raised in a traditional Jewish family in New Jersey. She attributes her success to her grandmother for providing her with the secrets of the trade. Going against the grain, Stanger’s approach completely throws society’s acceptance of promiscuity out the door––instead she advises on the principle of finding true love by practicing abstinence until entering into a monogamous relationship. She believes that everyone has a chance to find love, she shares, “It doesn’t matter what race or gender you are, love is love; the soul only knows love. I believe that there’s someone out there for everyone.” 

Her proudest moments revolve around the powerful impact she has made in people’s lives through her life’s calling––being a vessel for love.


Patti Stanger:  My mom was the first to get divorced in our neighborhood. My mom had been married quite a few times, but every time my grandmother fixed her up, the relationships got better and better. I lived in the Mrs. Maisel era and my grandmother was horrified. She trained my mother on how to get the guy and taught her the wisdom of no sex before monogamy. She would say the biology hasn’t changed, just the technology. The game here is how you allow people to treat you. 


Patti Stanger: I didn’t plan on being a matchmaker. I went to work for Great Expectations, the largest and oldest dating service. I saw a horrible thing that was happening and I said “We need to change this.” I went into the office and I said, “We need to put this online, get rid of the offices and hire matchmakers.” They told me I was crazy. But the minute somebody says “No” to me I tell them to get out of my way. I have a linear vision, I’m the manifester of my own destiny. I don’t listen to anyone. 

A friend of mine was trying to do something similar to my business and she couldn’t do it because she wasn’t a matchmaker. I told her the secret sauce to be a really good matchmaker is to have 24/7 customer service––then things will fall into place. But she didn’t know how to do it. She told me that it would never work and then I said, “Do we have a bet on this?” We had a bet and I won, that’s really what happened.


Patti Stanger: I suffered from cluster headaches and Hashimoto’s disease. On top of that, most people my age are in menopause. There isn’t information out there. I had to learn how to heal these illnesses. Nobody talks about this, all you hear about is basic bland medicine, they’re not really talking about health and hormones.

Next [for me] is going to be my book. There’s not a lot on the bookshelf other than Suzanne Somers putting it on the map. We have changed so much since then, we need to form a bond and community [for women] because men go through a whole different experience. Their prostate is in trouble, they crash emotionally when they turn 50––you’ll see them be sappy, moody and introverted. You ask yourself “What the hell is going on?” From one moment to the other you become the alpha and they become the beta. No one really knows how to understand this, even your emotional point of view doesn’t know, and that’s something I want to share in my next book.

I took a lot of time off to figure out what I wanted. I was running at full speed and I was crashing. I decided “this isn’t working for me anymore.” [Now] I do transcendental meditation, which I fell in love with. It took about two years because I’d always been metaphysical, but I didn’t have time to travel. 


Patti Stanger: I’m not Mother Teresa, but I’m doing what I know, which is dating and relationships. But I think that the more I know, the less I know. I’m also learning––I’m a seeker and I’m looking to make my mark on the world.

I don’t have everything I want. I know everybody criticizes me on love, but I don’t think I’ll be the person to tell you if I have a lover until it’s time. 

As my grandmother said, there’s a lid for every pot. My mother believed there’s more than one lid because she was married three times. Sometimes you run your journey with someone and it hits a wall and you go your separate ways because you’re growing at different levels. I believe that there’s someone out there for everyone. Divine connection to the Universe by prayer, meditation, getting still with yourself, going inward and settling for what you want. I think the secret is compatibility and then taking action. It starts within the mind. I believe you have to visualize it.


Patti Stanger: I think that dating is tough right now. And I think that people need to use alternative means to meet people. Besides the apps, they have to start telling friends and family. Make love a priority and it will come. You’ve got to spend time getting out there. What would you do in sales if you were a salesperson? If you just sit on the sidelines and wait for the deals to come, you’d go broke and hungry. 

For those girls that have ex-boyfriends that they’re never going to marry or that high school sweetheart: give them up. The Universe will give you two for one. [Most women will] hold on to that thing until they’re 90. What’s that going to do? You’ve got to release the blockage. I always tell people, why don’t you become a Matchmaker or for others, and the Universe will pay it forward.

Interview by Tricia Love Vargas
Read Next: Denis Waitley The Godfather of Personal Development on The New Psychology of Winning


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